Somebody I know died today. I did not know her terribly well... I did not know her for a very long time. That being said, I find it extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that I will not know her anymore. Experience will be replaced with memory.
Death is a very foreign concept to me. I guess I have been lucky. Nobody I have known has ever died. She wasn't my aunt, or my cousin, or any relative... she was my neighbor. She was 27 years old, and full of life. I can see her laughing, without even closing my eyes. She was always happy. She used to complain about how her car was falling apart -- laughing while she did. I put a coat of wax on it for her a few months ago -- almost like a joke... applying the wax, careful not to rub into the rust! She was a good person. I guess that is what bothers me most. I am not so naive as to start yelling... "it's not fair!" ... or something like that. I want too, though.

I am okay... this isn't a plea for condolences or anything like that. I just wanted to put words down.

 

If you feel like putting words down, then you should.

 

That is what I figured. Better than staring off into space -- although that is also good right now.

 

What happened? Or, how did it happen?

 

That's the thing that bothers me only slightly less than the first thing.

They don't know. She was suffering from a thyroid problem... they were treating it though. Yesterday and today she had been sick apparently... throwing up, coughing... stuff like that. She went to the hospital... they sent her home... she stopped breathing. They rushed her back, but she was gone.

They are going to do an autopsy. Another troubling concept for me. Never has been until just this second. The person I know... the person I knew... will be laid onto a cold table, and disected.

The word 'surreal' seems fitting.

 

I seriously want to be cremated. A huge pire on a beach, not a disecting table.

 

Yeah, I have put very little thought into it... I was about to fill out my organ donor card... right now I don't want to.

I will though. I believed in it before, I will believe in it now...

But yes, afterwards, cremation, sure. I don't know if I care. AAhh this is wierd. Hmm.

Figures I am writing a philosophy paper. I guess I'm in the right mood to contemplate death.

 

You know, this might turn into a pretty tripped out link that stays fresh.

Any ideas on where it should go from here?

 

I don't know. Anybody you know, that you'd like to mention? I mean, I know that most people have been in this situation... but this is seriously the closest encounter I have ever had with death.
Does it feel like this everytime? I want to say no -- but it seems to me that it must.

EDIT: I don't really believe in an afterlife... that isn't sitting well with me right now.

 

Yeah, I had a grandmother and grandfather pass away like almost 20 years ago, but 3 years ago, a friend of mine hung himself.