Funny jokes!
#1
05-13-2011, 03:43 AM
Funny jokes!
Men jokes
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
School jokes
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!"
The Teacher fainted.
Men jokes
Five Important Qualities
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Do you like jokes?
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
School jokes
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!"
The Teacher fainted.
Men jokes
Five Important Qualities
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Do you like jokes?
#2
05-13-2011, 02:49 PM
Here are some more jokes. Some are lame but enjoy
A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"
The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"
The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"
====================================
Q: What has 50 legs and 5 teeth?
A: The front row at a ***** Nelson concert.
=======================
At a theater, the usher approaches a man who has stretched out over three seats and asks him to sit up.
The man simply looks at him and says, "Uhhhh."
The usher asks again, and again the man says back to him, "Uhhhh."
The usher warns the man that he'll have to get the manager and there would be a good chance he'd be asked to leave. The man doesn't seem to care and again replies, "Uhhh."
So, the usher brings the manager over, and after several attempts to get the man to comply, the manager decides to call the police. A cop shows up and says to the guy, "Look, they've been asking you nicely to sit up and make room for other people, why are you being so stubborn?"
The guy stares at the cop and says, "Uhhh." The cop says, "Okay, buddy that's it. I'm going to kick you out of here. Now, where are you from, anyway?"
The guy replies, "Balcony… "
==================
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered, "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"
The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"
The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"
====================================
Q: What has 50 legs and 5 teeth?
A: The front row at a ***** Nelson concert.
=======================
At a theater, the usher approaches a man who has stretched out over three seats and asks him to sit up.
The man simply looks at him and says, "Uhhhh."
The usher asks again, and again the man says back to him, "Uhhhh."
The usher warns the man that he'll have to get the manager and there would be a good chance he'd be asked to leave. The man doesn't seem to care and again replies, "Uhhh."
So, the usher brings the manager over, and after several attempts to get the man to comply, the manager decides to call the police. A cop shows up and says to the guy, "Look, they've been asking you nicely to sit up and make room for other people, why are you being so stubborn?"
The guy stares at the cop and says, "Uhhh." The cop says, "Okay, buddy that's it. I'm going to kick you out of here. Now, where are you from, anyway?"
The guy replies, "Balcony… "
==================
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered, "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.
She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
#3
06-23-2015, 05:14 PM
The second one took me a while to get but when it finalllly hit me I was actually cracking up!!!
#5
09-19-2015, 02:15 PM
#7
03-07-2018, 01:16 PM
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#8
01-19-2024, 08:24 AM
I really enjoyed the men's jokes! Creating good jokes is an art. It involves a keen understanding of timing, wit, and interconnectedness. A talented joker can turn everyday situations into moments of laughter, making the world a brighter place.
#9
01-19-2024, 09:14 AM
Good jokes I read here, it would be interesting to hear them live at some popular standup comedy venue where both up and coming and established comedians perform. I, for example, am a very frequent visitor to the New York Comedy Club. This club has gained a reputation for its intimate and lively atmosphere, making it a favorite of comedy lovers. If anyone wants to develop their creativity, I think you should contact new york comedy club customer service and find out how you can perform at this establishment. Don't stop, develop your skills!
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