Joke Thread
 

(Lame or otherwise)

I searched and couldn't find one of these. If you don't like it, GFY :D

So this guy is driving on the turnpike, not paying attention. Comes up to a toll plaza and just blows right through it. Smashes the toll booth, the gate and all the crap around it. Guy jumps out of the toll booth next to the one that got smashed, says "Look buddy, no worries, we've got you covered."

Toll booth guy makes a phone call and before long a big ass white truck shows up, a bunch of guys pile out of it and start rebuilding the toll booth. Guy who blasted the thing in the first place looks at the toll booth guy and says "man, those guys got that fixed really fast, how did they do that?"

"Toll-gate-booth-paste"

Say it out loud before you flame me lol. can you do better? lets hear it...

I'm tempted to rename this the (LAME-O) Joke Thread...

Q: Why do Gorilla's have BIG noses?!?!?

A: Because they have BIG fingers.

OK. Copied this one from elsewhere...

A brunette says, “When I grow up I’m going to go to Mars!” A redhead says, “When I grow up I’m going to go to Venus!” The blonde says, “When I grow up I’m going to go to the Sun!” The brunette says, “you can’t go to the Sun. You will get burned up!” The blonde says, “Don’t be stupid, I’ll go at night.”

Ive got a rooster and youve got a donkey..

Your stupid donkey eats my roosters feet..

What do you have?

(drum roll...)
2 feet of my cock in your ass.

So this guy goes into a bar, sits down, has a couple drinks, then notices several dudes in line to fuck a hole in a barrel... The guy looks at the bartender and asks, "What the fuck is this shit?" The bartender told him it was amazing and he needed to try it. Instead of just leaving, the guy has a few more drinks, then finally decides to get in line and try it. He was amazed, how could a hole in a barrel feel so good...

Every night this guy would come back to the bar, have a few drinks, and wait his turn, then fuck the barrel.

After a month of drinking and barrel fucking, the guy walks in, orders his drink and goes to get in line. The bartender looks at him and says, "Not tonight, it's you're turn to be in the barrel."

So a drunk guy stumbles out of a bar late one evening holding a key. He stops and looks around for a minute, swaying a little on the spot when a local foot cop walks past, noticing the guy's elevated state of drunkenness and asks him if he needs help with anything. The guy responds "yeea! shomeone sstole my car!" and the cop proceeds "okay, well, where was it the last time you saw it?" and the guy says "itdd's wash on the end a thiz key here." Following the guy's arm to look at the key he was holding, the cop looks down and sees the guy's cock hanging out for all the world to see so he looks back up at the guy and says "sir, are you aware that you are, erm, exposing yourself?" gesturing down with his head. So the guy looks down and sees that the cop is in fact correct, looks back up at the cop and says "hah! well I'll be damned! Muh girlfriend's gone too!"

Tom and Clark were standing on the roof of their building drinking a few beers on their break and Clark said, "Hey Tom, did you know that if you jump off this building, after you get down so far, a draft will pull you back inside the building on the third floor?"

"Get outta here," said Tom.

"No I'm serious, watch me."

Clark hopped off the building and sure enough, he was taken in by the draft at the third floor window. He took the elevator back to the top and Tom and a security guard that had just arrived were standing there, Tom's mouth agape, in awe.

"I can't believe it." Said Tom.

"I know you should try it Tom," said Clark.

So Tom hopped off and plunged into the ground, to his death.

"Superman, you're really an asshole when you're drunk." said the security guard.http://www.funnyhumor.com/viewcount....=joke&id=79&s=

theoretical physics jokes?

The tachyon leaves. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." A tachyon walks into a bar.

:confused:

I could google tachyon, but I'm too lazy, so I'm going to assume that it's some sort of theorectical subparticle that moves so fast it almost goes back in time...

How do you keep an idiot in busy for hours??


Check post 18 for answer...