little known facts
#1
01-25-2006, 05:24 PM
little known facts
About MR. T:
-Before Mr.T was born there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.
-One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.
-Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
-Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."
-Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal.
-Mr. T can walk on water. He can also walk on fire. His preference however, is to walk on fools.
-Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.
-Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
-As a child MR. T used to go into the sewers of NY and hunt alligators. I know what you are thinking: “There are no alligators in the sewers of NY”. Yeah...Now!
-The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
-Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
-Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.
-When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
-Mr. T thinks Cotton is for wusses, therefor his clothes are made of 100% children.
-Death is Mr. T's way of saying 'Slow the **** down'.
-When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
-Mr. T was almost involved in a second car crash. To avoid the crash, he folded his arms and slowly shook his head. The car decided it was safer to avoid Mr. T.
-Mr. T once punched his way back to the 80's just to kill Richard Simmonds
-Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
-Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was not beat by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III. He actually lost to Stallone's stuntman, Chuck Norris. It took 5 hours of work by a dozen makeup artists to make Chuck Norris ugly enough to be a believable Stallone. Even with Chuck Norris, it was still necessary to use 3 metric tons of animal traquilizers to knock Mr. T out long enough for a 10 count.
-Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.
-Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter.
-Someone once suggested that Mr. T's first name is Pit. His body was found 10 seconds later. The police concluded that he committed suicide by stabbing himself with a Mohawk 389 times, choking himself with a gold chain and by eating both of his own legs.
-The last time Mr.T went hunting he got a 10 point buck, a white rhino and two bald eagles... He is no longer allowed into the Zoo.
-A common and widespread form of capital punishment in olden times was known as "pitification", where fools, sometimes in large numbers were brought before Mr. T and pitied to death. Later, the process was deemed too messy and inhumane. Thus, impalement and crucifixion were invented.
-Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
-Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris once took a **** in the same toilet. The result was Rosie O'Donnell.
-Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.
-Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
-The shortest distance between two distinct and seperate points is, in fact, Mr. T.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________
About Vin Diesel:
-Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions **** themselves.
-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
-If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
-Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
-When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
-When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
-When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
-Vin Diesel can slam a revolving door.
-The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.
-Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
-Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
-Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
-The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
-You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
-In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
-Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
-Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
-Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
-When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
-It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
-Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
-Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.
-When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
-On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
-If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________
About Chuck Norris:
-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she
was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew
once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
-Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.
-Chuck Norris only *********** to pictures of Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face.
-There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "*******."
-Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
-Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees
to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused
kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang
every girl in the stadium.
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has
not had to pay taxes ever.
-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
Assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
Beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
-Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk'd. Only in his version, he
would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.
-Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
-Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris
ate 12 Asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.
-The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
-Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
-Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU
RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't
**** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony
of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
radius of the blast went deaf.
-To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds
of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat
that, Lance Armstrong.
-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
-Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
-Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he
can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
-When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and wh! en he threw
it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.
-Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse
kicked her into a glacier.
-In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton
for one scene and nobody noticed.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
-Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him
exact change.
-Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from
"Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of
Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
-At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just
to prove he isn't a racist.
-Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and preceded to roundhouse every
popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their
floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He
also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
-Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put
razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
-Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who
just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris
calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse
kicks them in the face.
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
-Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually
a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that
day.
-Before Mr.T was born there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.
-One night Mr. T took a 10 p.m. train home. He still refuses to give it back.
-Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
-Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."
-Mr. T has removed Pee Wee Herman from existence for making fun of his cereal.
-Mr. T can walk on water. He can also walk on fire. His preference however, is to walk on fools.
-Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.
-Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
-As a child MR. T used to go into the sewers of NY and hunt alligators. I know what you are thinking: “There are no alligators in the sewers of NY”. Yeah...Now!
-The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
-Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
-Google won't search for Mr. T because it knows you don't find Mr. T, he finds you.
-When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
-Mr. T thinks Cotton is for wusses, therefor his clothes are made of 100% children.
-Death is Mr. T's way of saying 'Slow the **** down'.
-When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
-Mr. T was almost involved in a second car crash. To avoid the crash, he folded his arms and slowly shook his head. The car decided it was safer to avoid Mr. T.
-Mr. T once punched his way back to the 80's just to kill Richard Simmonds
-Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
-Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was not beat by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky III. He actually lost to Stallone's stuntman, Chuck Norris. It took 5 hours of work by a dozen makeup artists to make Chuck Norris ugly enough to be a believable Stallone. Even with Chuck Norris, it was still necessary to use 3 metric tons of animal traquilizers to knock Mr. T out long enough for a 10 count.
-Mr. T once fell into a pool of lava. He nearly drowned.
-Mr. T walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say, he was charged with 7 counts of manslaughter.
-Someone once suggested that Mr. T's first name is Pit. His body was found 10 seconds later. The police concluded that he committed suicide by stabbing himself with a Mohawk 389 times, choking himself with a gold chain and by eating both of his own legs.
-The last time Mr.T went hunting he got a 10 point buck, a white rhino and two bald eagles... He is no longer allowed into the Zoo.
-A common and widespread form of capital punishment in olden times was known as "pitification", where fools, sometimes in large numbers were brought before Mr. T and pitied to death. Later, the process was deemed too messy and inhumane. Thus, impalement and crucifixion were invented.
-Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
-Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris once took a **** in the same toilet. The result was Rosie O'Donnell.
-Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.
-Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
-The shortest distance between two distinct and seperate points is, in fact, Mr. T.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________
About Vin Diesel:
-Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions **** themselves.
-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
-If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
-Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
-When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
-When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
-When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
-Vin Diesel can slam a revolving door.
-The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.
-Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
-Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
-Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
-Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
-The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
-You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
-In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
-Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
-Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
-Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
-When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
-It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
-Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
-Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.
-When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
-Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
-On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
-If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________
About Chuck Norris:
-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she
was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew
once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
-Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.
-Chuck Norris only *********** to pictures of Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face.
-There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "*******."
-Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
-Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees
to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused
kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang
every girl in the stadium.
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has
not had to pay taxes ever.
-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
Assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
Beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
-Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk'd. Only in his version, he
would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.
-Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
-Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris
ate 12 Asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.
-The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
-Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
-Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU
RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't
**** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony
of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
radius of the blast went deaf.
-To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds
of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat
that, Lance Armstrong.
-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
-Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
-Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he
can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
-When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and wh! en he threw
it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.
-Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse
kicked her into a glacier.
-In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton
for one scene and nobody noticed.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
-Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him
exact change.
-Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from
"Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of
Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
-At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just
to prove he isn't a racist.
-Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and preceded to roundhouse every
popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their
floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He
also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
-Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put
razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
-Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who
just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris
calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse
kicks them in the face.
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
-Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually
a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that
day.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
