Official AudiForum Joke Thread
#12
09-13-2005, 04:13 PM
RE: Train Conductor....
Man dies and finds himself in a room with some some guy.
The guy says, "Welcome to hell!"
Well the man starts feakin out and shouting about how he can't be in hell, no, no, no...
The guy says, "It's not that bad man!" He goes, "Do you like to gamble?"
Man says yeah, I like to gamble.
The guy says, "Well, Mondays! All we do on mondays is GAMBLE ALL DAY!"
Man goes, hmmmmm.
The guy says, "Do you like to drink?"
Man says of course I like to drink!
The guy says, "TUESDAYS! All we do on Tuesdays is DRINK!"
Man nods his head thinking, not so bad. Hmmm.
Then the guy says, "Hey, by the way, your not gay are you?"
Man says, hugh?, no, I'm not gay!
Guy says, "Oh....., well...(starts shaking his head) your not going to like Wednesdays...
The guy says, "Welcome to hell!"
Well the man starts feakin out and shouting about how he can't be in hell, no, no, no...
The guy says, "It's not that bad man!" He goes, "Do you like to gamble?"
Man says yeah, I like to gamble.
The guy says, "Well, Mondays! All we do on mondays is GAMBLE ALL DAY!"
Man goes, hmmmmm.
The guy says, "Do you like to drink?"
Man says of course I like to drink!
The guy says, "TUESDAYS! All we do on Tuesdays is DRINK!"
Man nods his head thinking, not so bad. Hmmm.
Then the guy says, "Hey, by the way, your not gay are you?"
Man says, hugh?, no, I'm not gay!
Guy says, "Oh....., well...(starts shaking his head) your not going to like Wednesdays...
#13
09-13-2005, 05:33 PM
Senior Administrator
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Lotsa places, currently Metro D.C., USA
Posts: 13,574
RE: Train Conductor....
This one's kinda long...
Poor Mike:
Two guys in a bar...
One says "Did you hear the news - Mike is dead!"
"Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all.
So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the lamp cord and
pulls the whole thing off the table and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 120 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he ..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house!"
Poor Mike:
Two guys in a bar...
One says "Did you hear the news - Mike is dead!"
"Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all.
So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the lamp cord and
pulls the whole thing off the table and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 120 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he ..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house!"
#16
09-14-2005, 02:29 AM
RE: Train Conductor....
ORIGINAL: AWDaholic
This one's kinda long...
Poor Mike:
Two guys in a bar...
One says "Did you hear the news - Mike is dead!"
"Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all.
So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the lamp cord and
pulls the whole thing off the table and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 120 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he ..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house!"
This one's kinda long...
Poor Mike:
Two guys in a bar...
One says "Did you hear the news - Mike is dead!"
"Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all.
So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the lamp cord and
pulls the whole thing off the table and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 120 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he ..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house!"
#19
09-15-2005, 02:04 PM
Senior Administrator
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Lotsa places, currently Metro D.C., USA
Posts: 13,574
RE: Train Conductor....
A friend of mine, a Republican from NOLA sent me this. It's totally tasteless, but... ROTFLMAO phunnie!
Q: What is George W. Bush's position on Roe v. Wade?
A: He really doesn't care how folks get out of New Orleans.
Q: What is George W. Bush's position on Roe v. Wade?
A: He really doesn't care how folks get out of New Orleans.
