AudiForums.com - What if Santa wrote back?

ubject: What if Santa wrote back
> deer Santa:
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
> yeer.
> Yer Frend,
> Bobby
>
> Dear Bobby,
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
> I give you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
> giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
> Santa
>
> Dear Santa,
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
> peace
> and joy in the world for everybody!
> Love,
> Sarah
>
> Dear Sarah,
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> Santa
>
> Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
> mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
> Love,
> Vince
>
> Dear Vince,
> Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
> frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up
> that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can
> build yourself a family with those?
> Santa
>
> Dear Santa,
> I want a new bike, a Play station, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
> drum
> kit, a pony and a tuba.
> Love,
> Francis
>
> Dear Francis,
> Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays? I'm giving you a doll instead
> because I bet you're gay.
> Santa
>
> Dear Santa ,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
> for your reindeer outside the back door.
> Love,
> Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the sh*ts and carrots make the deer f*rt in my face
> when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim
> Beam.
> Santa
>
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
> toys?
> Your friend,
> Ralphie
>
>
> Dear Ralphie,
> All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every year I
> give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in
> Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
> unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the butts of cocktail
> waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
> Santa
> P.S.
> Tell your mom she got the part.
>
>
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
> awake, like in the song?
> Love,
> Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
> skipping your house.
> Santa
>
> Dear Santa,
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
> PLEASE
> could I have one?
> Jeffrey
>
> Jeffrey,
> That whiney begging sh*t may work with your folks, but that crap
> doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
> Santa
>
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
> Love,
> Marky
>
> Mark,
> First, stop calling yourself 'Marky', that's why you're getting your
> asskicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
> low-rent, ratty apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
> like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
> Sweet Dreams,
> Santa