Blonde's Year in Review




January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight


February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.... Helllloooo!!!..... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!


March - Got really excited..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.... box said "2-4 years!"


April - Trapped on escalator for hours..... power went out!!!


May - Tried to make Kool-Aid..... wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!


June - Tried to go water skiing..... couldn't find a lake with a slope.


July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!


August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.


September - The capital of California is "C"..... isn't it???


October - Hate M&M's..... they are so hard to peel.


November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!


December - Couldn't call 911....."duh"..... there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!


What a year!!




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Blonde Quickies




HOW FAR
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or
the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida?????"


CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show
it to you!"


RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, "You ARE on the other side."


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her
body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then
she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her
scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."


KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"


IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If
you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


FINALLY.........
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

 

lol those are pretty good

 

Haha nice ones.

 

hahahaha those were freakin hilarious, especially the Car Trouble one. Heres another quickie...

Why do blondes like cars with adjustable steering wheels? -More "head" room.

Why do blondes like cars with sunroofs? -More leg room.

 

Those were good!

 

Those were pretty good!

 

very funny!

it's moments like these that i'm PROUD to be a brunette!

 

That year in review is hilarious!

 

haha those are hilarious. this is my favorite one: