i think it would be a good idea to call her dad up... but, ask him not to say you did... be like, sir, can you call your daughter as just a sort of "check up"... try to get him to bring the job situation up... such as "so erika, how is your job going" or something like that... it should bring out the bad side in this new guy... make sure though that you do inform her dad of his actions.. such as calling your friend and making her quit...

good luck man, this is really deep, and an awful place to be... for all of us here, please keep your head up, and for fu(ks sake get your girl back or at least away from this maniac.. please..

--kid

 

if he is using the kids custody as leverage for her to stay with him, then maybe you can get some documentation of some proof that the court would deem her the caretaker of them, then wouldn't she be free to leave him?
like proof that he was at the seedy motel with another woman, or papers from her work indicating that he caused a scene which led to her getting fired.

i think you're in a very difficult position with this woman. i think it's very hard to show her logic and reason. she's been emotionally abused by this man and almost brainwashed, so sometimes what she might say isn't what the "real her" would say.
i don't know how you break that trance.

i'm sorry for your helplessness feelings. i know that must be very frustrating.

 

we actually studied this in psychology yesterday. some women are just like that. they seek an abusive man because maybe thats the way they grew up. they associate the abuse with love, and think that is a way of showing that person cares for them. eventually they'll leave when they realize its wrong, but without treatment, no mental irregularity goes away. it will come back.

 

yeah, i agree with that.

even though she doesn't think she needs help, she probably needs therapy.
but then that would probably be something very difficult to do. i'm sure that's the last place her husband wants her to go.

 

Sorry to hear about Erika. I know that you'll emerge a stronger and better person once you're through the thick of it. If you ever need to talk to someone, hit me up.

Since her friend is aware of what's going on, you may want to see what her earnest position is on the entire situation. If she agrees with you that she needs to get away from CCWP (which is how it seems), then you may want to consider letting her do the talking and try to keep out of it. I would let Erikas friend know that her safety and happiness is the priority, not getting revenge or winning her back. As mentioned before, she really needs to get some kind of help. Either she'll stick with him until she realizes it or someone close to her will have to fight off CCWP and convince her that she's become a moth to a flame.

There's other ways of showing Erika he's lowlife degenerate. It just depends on what you're willing to do. I've met similar people in my life who will say one thing to you and instantly try to sabotage you the next.

It is my firm belief that you can't constantly give emotionally without receiving. Something will break.

Good luck with the writting.

 

very true.

 

That would probably work. Hell, she could have easily fought for them before and gotten them, he tried to kill himself twice, he threw hissy fits at his work and got fired, he had temper tantrums at his dad's house and got thrown out of there, he called repeatedly and sent sixty or seventy texts from an unlisted number harrassing me and her, most of those texts he pretended to be someone that she was screwing around on me with, and I'm 98% sure that he slashed one of my tires. He is unstable and I've no doubt that if it went to a court, Erika would be awarded custody, or at the absolute minimum unsupervised visitation and half the week.

But here in lies the problem, you can't help those who don't help themselves. All the proof in the world of his instabilty won't help at all if she won't leave him, and so far, she's put up with him being back to his old tricks.


Yeah, no doubt about that, he doesn't want her to do anything that he doesn't have complete control.

And that's the good thing about the friend, we'll call her Kitty. I have do doubt that she has Erika's best interests in mind. And I think that as much as I would like for Erika to come back to me, Kitty knows that getting her back isn't my priority. And Kitty is going to find out what's really going on, the only time she's been able to talk to Erika, CCWP has been there, so she wants the real scoop, she wants to know what Erika is going to say when he's not hovering over her shoulder listening.

That's thin ice though, you know? Sure we could roll in there and give it to her straight, show her how he's acting and hope that she grabs the kids and skeedaddles. But if she doesn't leave and he finds out, it could backfire, he could get pissed at her for it (a common theme with him) and she could be in more jeopardy than before we tried.

And yet, people do it everyday...

 

Ah, I don't have time to read all this -- I've read just your first post.

First things first, glad to have you back, even if it's only sporadic.
I wish you were doing better, but I think that you will bounce back. The book sounds like it'll be a great use of time, that might otherwise be spent dwelling on the recent past.

The only other thing I'll say (for now) is that if you're feeling anything about the uber old flame, you might not wanna meet for that drink until you've simmered. Don't wanna come off as a brooding psycho. :P

Hope you stick around for a while!
Oh, PS:
You're angel-eyes sig girl is freaking me out.

 

Well, he didn't let Erika meet her friend for breakfast this morning. Kitty called to confirm and Erika said that she had to have a "family day" and couldn't meet this morning and didn't know when she could. With CCWP telling her what to say in the background from what Kitty could tell.

I am rapidly losing patience with this maggot.