This is a thread for certain types of rants and the such, that require some others opinions.

I will start off.

For the last month I have been talking to this girl. (literally no sex.....) At first it was my company and hers (we are storage and Uhaul dealers) hanging out for dinner. Then me, her, her dad + his date. Now for the last couple weeks just the two of us and/or my friends/family. We have been having a blast together and are personalities are one of the same. No sex or even a kiss (on the lips) yet but there isquitea bit of tension.

NOW for the twist! I'm single and she has been dating this guy for 3yrs. on and off. (most time off was 6 months) She gets uncomfortable when HER friends bring him up (razzing about him) I GUESS because she has been trying to break up with him. She says she cant because they are going to Taiwan so his family can meet her and since his parents paid for this already she has to go. Now this guy is not a bad guy from what I know about him. He just dont like to go out much, travels a lot & basically wants her to stay home and have/take care of babies. He is more stable than me career wise and would be a good pic for someone. Now me, I'm about to make a job transition and am more about having "fun", which could beanything from avacationto hanging out with choco-dog/friends/family on the deck.

I really dont know how I should go about this situation. At this point in time I really like her and regret not meeting her sooner. At the same time I am doing my best to push my feelings aside until/if I get the girl.

 

Wow, that's quite a predicament. It sounds like she really has to make the call on this one. If she stays with this guy long enough to go to Taiwan and meet his parents, she is only digging herself in deeper and it is gonna be harder for her to break it off later, if that is her intention. I think it is gonna be easier for him to deal with too if she breaks it off before the trip. If I were in his shoes I would rather have to explain to the fam that things didn't work out BEFORE making such a journey and introducing her to them as, essentially, the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. If she just stays with him due to his more stable lifestyle/financial situation, is she really gonna be happy? Or is she constantly gonna question 'what could've been?'

You should really question how serious you are about wanting to be with her, and if you are confident that it is worth potentially wrecking her current relationship, then talk to her and tell her how ya feel. Maybe she is questioning how you feel about her and doesn't want to leap unless she is sure that you're there to catch her, so to speak. If you lay it all out, she may say no, but what's the alternative? If you don't do anything, then most likely she will stay with this other guy. I'd take uncertain odds over a probability of virtually zero any day. Maybe the other dude is in a better place in life to support and provide for her, but there are things in this world more important than money, and if she doesn't realize that then she's probably not the best girl for you anyway. It sounds like she has some feelings for you, I think the best thing to do is let her know how you feel about her and let her sort it out.

 

to add to that comment i think it is very important that your not option #2, and by your story i think you are probably that right now. i would also let her know how u feel because if u don't, just like BAMF said she'll still be with this other guy on and off.

i think by telling her your true feelings, she can shrug it off or you can become #1 because she knows you want to be with her.

 

I agree in the most part with BAMF. It's her call to make between you and the other guy, but at the same time, you have a call to make - namely, are you willing to be strung along like this while she flip-flops between you and him? I am in no way trying to come across as having the attitude of "screw her and all her BS behavior" - don't take it that way - but seriously, although it's not right for her to leave you in limbo like this. Does the other guy know that you are in the picture? I'm thinking not, really - I doubt the trip would still be on if he did. It comes down to respect for yourself though, bro - don't allow her to keep on dragging you out - she's kind of got the best of both worlds here, and most people in that situation would continue that way indefinitely if they were happy with each of the people they were involved with, and neither one of them (or anyone else) ever called them out on it.

You've made your position about her and you pretty clear through your own actions as you described them - you're into her, you have a great time with her, you're not really all that wild about her making this trip with the other guy, etc. Lay it all out how you see it (without issuing an ultimatum), tell her what you think and how you feel about her and about the two of you, and then tell her that you're going to back down and wait (for awhile - not a year or two) for her to sort her own head out, make her decision, and live with that decision. No more playing back and forth - sort it out, and let you know what she decides. Pick one person (or none, even, but not the both of you), and be with that person. It's not fair to you for either you or her to keep you up in the air.

If she goes with the other guy, it's not gonna be a happy day maybe, but it's nto the end of the world. Hell, I met my GF purely by chance - I went to see Godsmack and Shinedown last year with a buddy, and a friend of his (and former coworker) was there with her two sisters, one of whom I hit it off with right away, and we've been together almost ever since. You find someone sometimes in the most unassuming or unexpected way and time. If she stays, that's great, but if not, then it's an opportunity to find someone even more compatible.

 

BAMF,

Well you are right! This a complicated situation for both of us, but mainly her. I did tell her how I feel on Halloween/my b-day after the bar. Now obviously its not the best time to approach this type of situation, but she was understanding and we talked again the following night. This trip is in 2 weeks and what she told me was this. "We have been talking about breaking up for a while but he really would rather me take the trip first to save his embarrassment. The break up is going to happen but I am just unsure on what to do." "Yes we like each other but we dint even know each other. I hate lying to him so I have been telling him about how we hangoutso much, and he's not happy about it" Personally I know this trip is a engagement & or marriage and told her this. He knows she cant sayNO in front of his family. Plus I cant see her leaving him 1 month before Christmas.

What really sucks for me is the fact that I have not met a girl that "clicked" so perfect before. Are personalities compliment each other so well its not even funny. Same humor, activities & morals.

 

i would continue "hanging out" and just be yourself, also, continue to do things to show that you like her. if she wants to be with you, she should not go on this trip. otherwise, you can date other people and tell her to call you when all the crap is over with the other dude.

 

On my B-day I figured I would see just how far I can get. Which was not far thankfully!

That shows me that she is faithful. Her telling the bf that we are hanging out and she is crashing out at my house tells me she is truthful. And her guilt for feeling the way she does tells me she most likely really dont want to be with this guy. They have different goals and I think her and I have the same expectations in life. He wants to work and have kids, her and I want to travel and enjoy life. (nothing wrong with kids but I like the freedom)

 

This is what I told her last night"From this point on I am going to do my best to just step back so as not to make things any more difficult for you. You are the one in the relationship and I understand how complicated things can be. When and or if anything happens between us it will be completely on you because I do not want you to feel pressured any more than now. Its obvious there is some kind of connectionbetween us and what ever you decide Ican except100%. I have a lot of fun with you and would not want to give that up for something that could be avoided."

(Kind of odd that we have only been hanging out for a month and things kicked off this hard.)What is scarry is she has some kind of med. condition that I have not asked about yet. This past week I was reminded of this reoccuring dream I've been having for years that involves this girl that passes away during the birth of my child which fits her quite well. [&o]I had the same type of dreams the last couple of years before my dad got sick and pasted away. [&o]

 

Well with your feelings already out on the table, I have to agree with UpstateNYA4 that you have to decide how long you are going to go along with the whole thing until she makes up her mind. Also, I agree with you that it sounds like this other dude is probably gonna propose if hes taking her all the way to Taiwan to meet his parents. He says that he wants her to stay with him through the trip to avoid embarrassment, but hes probably thinking that if he gets her there and proposes, then shes gonna say "yes" either out of obligation or just being overwhelmed (not really the word Im looking for, but I cant think of anything better).

Ultimately, Id say youre gonna know one way or the other in two weeks.

 

I missed your last post while I was typing. I think that you handled the situation perfectly. I hope thats how I would handle it if I were in your shoes.

I certainly hope everything works out for the best!