Squirrel & Grasshopper
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Joined: Apr 2006
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Squirrel & Grasshopper
Not sure if u seen this one yet, but oh so true
[sm=exactly.gif]
THE SQUIRREL AND THE GRASSHOPPER
Rest of the World Version:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The
shivering. grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
*THE UK VERSION*:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be
warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the
shivering grasshopper; which cuts to a video of the squirrel in his
comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights
and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrates in front of the
squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from
Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir
singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with
Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of
grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to
make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to
enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is
taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders
for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for
contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the
more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without
enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed
retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new
home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get
to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.
On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's
apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international
offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released
because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in
custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were
abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.
The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council
house he is in crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate
government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'. The
cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed
in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.
Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A
commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state
the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by
the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes
of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of
prison.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in
the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for
law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65
because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END
[sm=exactly.gif]
THE SQUIRREL AND THE GRASSHOPPER
Rest of the World Version:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The
shivering. grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
*THE UK VERSION*:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be
warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the
shivering grasshopper; which cuts to a video of the squirrel in his
comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights
and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrates in front of the
squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from
Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir
singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with
Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of
grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to
make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to
enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is
taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders
for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for
contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the
more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without
enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed
retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new
home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get
to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice.
On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's
apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international
offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released
because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in
custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were
abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.
The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council
house he is in crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate
government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'. The
cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed
in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.
Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A
commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state
the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by
the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes
of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of
prison.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in
the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for
law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65
because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END
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