All right so as the title states I all of a sudden have none of these options working on my car. Let's give a little background first, makes it a little more interesting. So I have me car and I was all like hey I also have this really cute lady friend of mine who lives 2hr's south of me. So i decided to drive down and visit said lady. Car drove great and drove fine all day. I toted her and her friends around, we had a stellar time. Around 12pm I left and headed back up north, everything worked awesome. I got home, parked car and slept for about 5hrs, got up and was ready to go in for my first day of work at this place I used to be full time at. Went out to car started it just fine, but the battery light stayed on. Pretty awkward I pulled out of garage and turned headlights on, they did not come on. Here is the list of crap that doesn't work. Headlights low/high, climate control, central air blower, fogs rear/front, turn signals, horn, windshield wipers, think that's it... Didn't even try windows or moon roof. You get the idea, I was pissed. Had to drive it anyway and after I got out of work had NAPA test the battery, alternator, and starter with their fancy 1,500$ machine. Alternator and starter passed, Battery failed test. So back to it. Battery starts car, but has been in need of replacement. Battery light stays on for a short while but goes out after a min of driving, due to alternator charging it right back up. List of stuff that does work. Radio, car, brake lights, interior lights, gauges. The climate control is the really weird one. The air power button (the plus and minus one on the right) well the bars that go up and down to change the output of air go ape **** and bounce up and down like nobody's business, without you actually touching the buttons. There are zero blown fuses fyi. I googled my issue and came upon another audi forum posting which stated that it was most likely the ignition switch. So i decided to get my hands dirty and remove the steering wheel and swap the dang thing. I have the wheel off and all the shrouds, you really just need some phillips heads, torx bits and a big old triple square driver to do it. So anyways I ordered the ignition switch from ECS tuning, the white euro parts one, and am waiting for it to get here. I will post some picks of the installation but it is really easy. I also took the cruise control and light switch off and man is that switch covered in ugly crap in the insides. Look up I'mthedevil's diy on cleaning it. I lightly sanded the copper pads on the insides with 1,200 grit sandpaper, got them shiny and coated them in dielectric paste. I took mine off the steering wheel column which is not necessary. Anyways this is where I ask for others input. If anyone has had this exact issue with their car, feel free to be like hey, I had that exact same issue and yes the ignition switch did fix it! And also going to ask if anyone has taken apart their cruise control switch all the way like me. Mine sort of fell apart and I had to reassemble it, took one picture before it fell apart thankfully, it is cleaned and sanded in the picture, was green and dirty before. Just curious if anyone has a detailed photo of the insides. I will post my picture to let you know what I mean. I believe mine is reassembled correctly just would like some reassurance ya know. Thanks for reading this obnoxious post. Will follow up when part gets here, also will be changing battery to a NAPA premium one, has a "pos" duralast in it.

 

Could be a bad ground. You might want to check relays as well. The load reduction relay could be the cause. Got a nice thread about it:
Question regarding the load reduction relay, ignition switch, and the bad headlight switch issue. [Archive] - AudiWorld Forums
And where it is on the relay panel:
Missing a relay

 

That was something the thread i came upon also mentioned. I like the link to that particular thread. So thank you for that. I will first do ignition switch and battery. If that does not fix it relay swapping will be next on the check list.

 

So it has been a while but here is the conclusion to the aformentioned. I replaced the ignition switch and the battery. This solved all the issues. The battery was not a real part of the fix but needed to be done anyways. The lights,horn,climate control,etc.. all work like they should. The ignition when turning off the car also regained it's original feel. The switch was the uro parts one from ecs tuning, was the cheapest at 12$ and works fine. The battery was a napa one, works very well, cost about 130$. The original audi switch (on the right) actually had some melted looking plastic at the base of one of the prongs. The only thing you need to keep in mind is the color of your ignition switch when replacing. Take off steering wheel and shrouds, unclip the connector from the rear of your ignition switch housing, unscrew two tiny flat head bolts, pull out switch. Very easy. Here are some pictures to conclude my findings and all that jazz.