This is the pic I drive around with in my car, by the way. I had a few other pictures of her, but I got rid of them in an attempt to fotget her all those years ago. This is all I have left of her.

 

if you have the resources to find out where she lives ..etc.. then you probably have the resources to find out whether she is married or not.

if she is then let it be. if not then why not contact her? might just be the best thing you ever did.

 

lol good advice.

I think I've had one too many white russians right now so if my spelling goes to crap or I start typing complete BS forgive me.....

Seacrest out...

 

Dude call her. She looks like fun. Or give me the number so I can call her.

 

ur gonna keep killin yourself over this what if stuff, just find the answers you seek
and u seem to do wut i do alot, i analyze myself alot also when i do something
usuallly i find my own flaws and mistake and reason for the things i do
but i still dont change though maybe because i have no reason to change
but wut is a good enough reason to make people change maybe when they find someone special
they want to change for them but truely when you find that special someone should u have to change
if shes the one for your then she should like u the way your are and you should have to change anything
why do you have to build yourself to her expectations when you are not being yourself
when your not being yourself then im sure your not happy and whey do you want to make someone happy
by lowering yourself
think if shes the perfect one for you then why are u changing your ways and lifestyle for her
you shouldnt have to build yourself up and make your self new for her
she should just love you for wut you are and the way you live
why do u want some who doesnt love your for your trueself, arent u just living a lie?
and will you be truely happy

 

Am I the only one who can't see the picture?

 

The sad but true answer to all of that is that I don't even like myself right now, how the hell could I expect anyone else to? I would want to be everything she could ever want before I contacted her, and I haven't been that since before I left her. I don't know if I can be again. Maybe it's just the Jameson talking, but I feel like contacting her and being less than she would xpect would be worse than never contacting her at all.

 

Damn Jessica Biel is hot. I cant'e believe I just spelled her nam eright. I can barel y do that sober.

WHeeeeeee, Jameson 1780 is my friend.



So anyway, I'm still madly in love with a girl I havent seen for 8 years. Shes probably the only girl Ive ever really loved. I havent seen her since I moved to brooklyn, and the reason I moved to brooklyn is becasue I loved her and I knew I couldn't have her.

Questiuons? Comments? I know I could find her again with my resources. but I'm afraid that she wouldn't ever remember me. That would seriously break me inside. I'm not exaclty a mentally stable person to begin with I love her though. After all of these years, I still think tat she's the only girl I've really loved. I don't know if I should look up her number and call her, or if I'm better off wondering. Really, if i called and she had no clue who i was, I really think I would lose it. I know that I ca'nt have her now, after all, I live here and last time I heard, she was still in texas somewhere, Denton, I think. So what would contacting her really do for me? I drive around with her picture in my car. I won't go anywhere without it. Every girl I have ever met is compared to her, and not one has ever measuerd up. Ever.

What do you guys think? What good whould come from calling her? How does it compare to the risk of being completely heartbroken by her if she didn't remember? What would you do if you were me and completely obsessed with someone from your past?

All at once, she could be my salvation or my demise. At what point is the risk worth the reward?> She' could say that she remembers me, and she missses me and that she wished that we still had what we once did, and equally possible, she could say "Will who?" That would break me. I know it's not heathly, I know it's not good for me at all, but everything I've done, I've done to be someone that she would respect, someone that she would want to be with, someone that she could love. I don't think I could bear it if she didn't even know who I was anymore

I left her. I couldn't deal wit hit anymore. I wanted her, adn I knew I couldn't have her, so I ran away. I left Texas and went back to BRooklyn, just to try to forget about her. I did things that I'm not proud of. I did things that I could have gone to prison for a very long time for. I did what I thought I had to do to survive. I'm better than that now. I do what I think Is right. If I give the girl at Subway a ten, and she gives me change for a twenty, I give it back. I buy sandwiches for bums I donate to Iraq funds and katrina finds and all sorts of funds, but I still don't feel like a good person. I give waitresses $20 tips on $5 meals. I try to be there for the few people that I call friends. I try to help everyone I can even if all that is is lighting their smoke when its windy. I try to be someone respectable, someone that people like, some one that you can count on. But at the end of the day, I'm still unhappy. I wonder if I made a mistake moving out here. I wonder if I'll ever be someone that I respect. I wonder if I'll ever really like who I am or if I'll just spend all of my time trying to be what people expect of me

I wonder, if I was a stranger, looking in at my own life from a distance, what would I think? Would I see someone I liked? Would I see someone I would trust? Would I see A good human being, or would I see some shallow fû¢ker, too wrapped up in his own life to really be worth anything to society? What makes this life worth living? WHat gives me the right to be here, when there could be som,eone who was really helping to make the world a bettr place for everyone whos' to come? What am I? Why am I here instead of someone who really cares? I am obsessed with someone I'll never see again, I pollute I take, I live the way I want without care for people who have no choice in the matter. Seriously, the amount of mony I spend on strippers in a week could feed, clothe, and house some unfortunate peson who ca'nt do it for them selves. What gives me the right>? Why am I entitled to this while people go hungry every night? I don't work any harder than anyone else. I'm A loan officer for a mortgage company, I do graphic design which I love to do, i fix up cars and get paid to do it, and I'm looking for a job as a floor host at a strip club. They call that a job, getting paid to stand aroun d in a black suit, in a darkened room, with half naked hot chick dancing around all over the place. Can you imagine getting PAID to do that?! How the fû¢k is that A JOB? I do that for fun and I can also get paid to do it? fû¢kin pimp!

but no matter what, I still miss who I used to be. I still miss the little kid I once was, who could be made happy by anything. My mom was poor, and my dad died before I was born, so I never had much when I was young, I had what I could steal. My mom's an alcoholic, still is to this day. I don't even talk to her. She called me on my birthday, shich just happened to be a thursday when I was at a sonic meet. I talked to her for as long as i could, but all I could think of was how much i resented hor for never being there for me. I grew up alone, fending for myself, because I never had parents I could count on. I used to buy cigarettes in north carilona, sell them for ten times what i bought them for in new york, and all of the money went straight to feeding me and my sister, because my mom was too busy buying what she thought wer martinis (jus t so you know, Vodka and ice in a glass is not a MArtini, tell her that though). Can you imaginr having to work the streets as a little junior mafioso, just to pay to feed your family? If I come off as arrogant sometimes, Its because I've worked my *** off to have everything I have. I;ve come from the absolute bottom, to try to live a normal life.

fû¢k it I do'nt even care anymore. To most of you I'm just SilverSeven. Just one fû¢king name in a sea of many. I'm no more real to you than someone you hear on the radio. or someone you get an unsolicited letter from. I'm just a name. Not even a person. I suppose I would probably be embarasses to be writeing this If I wasn't so drunk, but right now, I really don't care. I am real. I cry. I hurt. I miss people that I love. I love my grandmother and my grandfather more than anyting else in this world, and it's only them that have kept me here, fear of hurting them that has kept me in this world at times. Once I had a gun pointed at my temple, and the only thing that kept me from pulling the trigger was knowing how much it would hurt them it I did that. I'm not ashamed to say, I love my grandmother, she's been there for me no matter how stupid I've been, and I love my grandfather, he's taught me everything I know, and even more that I can't remember. H'es the best man I've ever known. The last thing I would ever want to do is disappoint them. They've been there for me so often, they deserve so much more than I have to offer them. I wish I could go back and change desicions I made. Decisions that distanced me from the few things that ever really mattered to me. I have problems, I have fears and wants and desires. I am me. I don't care what most of you think of me, make fun all you want. I have bigger problems than that.

This is me. The true, honest, take it or leave it, ME. Not many people can handle it, not many people want to. Maybe I'm EMO. Maybe I'm just..... broken. Maybe I'm just here to find things that don't want to be found. Maybe someday, I'll be a hero, save the world, or at least one person. Maybe I'm the anti-christ, maybe I'm a King in waiting. Maybe I'm just like everybody else. Maybe. But I can't live my life on a maybe. This is what I have to offer and I'm sure when I'm sober again,. I'll be embarrassed to have written this to a bunch of people I barely know, and a few that I know somewhat. But as long as I'm drunk as hell, let's go ahead and put it out there, cuz I know I wouldn' tbe able to be this honest when I'm sober. And you know what?/ I really don't care anymore.......

 

Actaully i would have a few drinks before, i find it makes me alot more smooth.

 

absolutely 110% contact her. some things are just ment to be. you'll never know if you dont try. only down side is that sometimes after such a long time, the memory of her changes in your mind (since you always want what you can't have) and YOU may be the one thats disappointed because she's not as good as you remember her. but its still worth a try.

YOU are in control of your destiny.