well, if Pro and AWD can do it... here goes

What do you call a black man in a suit?

the Defendant

 

Wal-Mart has everything!
>
> One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind
him,
> "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
>
> "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
>
> "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
> sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about
> it.
>
> It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a
> doctor."
>
> So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Wal-Mart.
>
> He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine
> sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
>
> Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
>
> "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
> activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @
> Wal-Mart."
>
> That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
> began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
>
> He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from
> his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
>
> Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits
ten
> dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
>
> The computer prints the following:
>
> 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
> 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle
7)
> 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
> 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
> 5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
> better!
>
> Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

 

what do you call a black man that flys planes.....












a pilot








you racists

 

no way dude.... what's funny is funny... that's all

 

http://www.fugly.com/audio/449/Armageddon.html

i dont know if this is old but i laughed until i cried.. you have to hear this

 

I actually got THAT one right

 

Father: I wish I had emo grass...
Son: Why?
Father: Because then it would cut itself.

 

^^^LOFL

 

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his sweetheart's birthday as they just started dating.

After careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note. Romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to his local department store and bought a pair of white gloves - the sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items - the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.

Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

My Darling Laura, I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.

If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones which are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks, and they were hardly soiled.

I had her try on yours for me and they looked smart.

I wish I could be there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love, Johnny P.S.

The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

 

I like to show a little fur with MINE, too!