was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
'Doin' jus t fine!'

And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!'

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
'Can I come over?'

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
'No.......I'm a little busy right now!!!'

Then I hear the person say nervously...
'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions

 

Four men were sitting around a conference room table being

interviewed for a job. [/align]
[/align]
The interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?' [/align]

The first man replied, 'A thought. It pops into your head,there's [/align]
noforewarning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the [/align]
fastest thing I know of.' [/align]
[/align]
'That's very good,' replied the interviewer. [/align]
[/align]
And now you, sir,' he asked the second man. [/align]
'Hmmm, let me see...... a blink!,' said the second man. 'Itcomes [/align]
and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest [/align]
thing I know of.' [/align]
[/align]
'Excellent!', said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye. That's a [/align]
very popular clich for speed.' [/align]
[/align]
He then turned to the third man who was content waiting his reply. [/align]
'Well, out on my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the [/align]
wall there is a light switch. When you flip that switch, way across [/align]
the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant.Turning on a [/align]
lightisthe fastest thing I can think of.' [/align]
[/align]
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and [/align]
thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light.', [/align]
he said.

Turning to the fourth man, a Newfoundlander, he posed the same [/align]
question. [/align]
[/align]
After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me the [/align]
fastest thing known is diarrhea,' said the Newfie. [/align]
[/align]
'What!' said the interviewer, stunned by the response. [/align]
'Oh, I can explain,' said the Newfie, 'You see, the other day I [/align]
wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could [/align]
think, blink,or turn on the light, I **** my pants.' [/align]
He got the job.[/align]

 

A new supermarket opened inCreston. It has an automatic water mister to
keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of
distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience
the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks
with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and
the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked
bread & cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more

 

Threewomen: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting abouttheir relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all threewill wear a leather bodice style, stiletto's and mask over their eyes....After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend: 'the other night, when my boyfriend came back home,he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He saw mehe said: 'you are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we made love all night long

The mistress: Ah! Me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and Iwas wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and araincoat, when I opened the raincoat... He did not say anything.....but we had wild sex all night

The married one: 'the other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers forthe night, I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask overmy eyes. My husband comes back from work, opens the door and says: 'Hi Batman, what's for dinner?' [/align]

 

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

"So what do you think about that Doc ?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season."

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if
it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."

"Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86- year-old said ,
"Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

 

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'

'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.

'It hasn't been proved but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook, your *** is gone!'

 

Three married women on a bus on the way into town, talking about their husbands..
Linda says "I've got a pet name for my husband, I call him Teddy".
Jane asks "Why Teddy?"
Linda replies "You've met him, he's big and hairy and cuddly, he's just my big Teddy Bear."
Jane, not to be outdone, says "I call my husband Bob",
to which Linda asks "Why Bob? Isn't his name Dick?"?
"Yes", says Jane, "But as you know, he's really energetic - can't sit still for a minute - always bobbing up and down....."
Sue-Ellen, who until this time has kept quiet, speaks up - "Huh, Teddy, Bob.... they ain't nothin' but chiken-**** names. I call my man "Drambuie"!"
Linda immediately blurts out "Drambuie!!! - isn't that some sort of fancy liquor???"
Sue-Ellen just smiles, and then says "Yup".

 

Fourguys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first night, John slept in Steve's room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest of the guys said, "Man, what happened to you?"

He said, "Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was Garry's turn. In the morning, same thinghair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn't sleep a wink. I just watched him all night."

The third night was Herb's turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt a man's man.

The next morning he came to break fast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said.

The guys couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Steve into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."

 

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
'You impotent pig ,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years?
You better explain yourself!'
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.'

 

The maid asks for an increase in pay from the housewife she works for.
The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first
is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you are a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No, the gardener did.'

SHE GOT THE RAISE